A Long Weekend Behind, A Long Long Road Ahead

Watching the little ones grow…

Sean turned 2 a couple of weeks ago.

TWO! Seriously. Where did the time go?

When 2012 began he had a 20 word vocabulary. Mostly numbers. Though, admittedly, he couldn’t seem to grasp the number 4 at all.

Flash forward two months. The young one suddenly starts saying the number 4 correctly. In fact, he’s able to count all the way up to 19 with no trouble or assistance. He’s also grown his vocabulary to probably a couple hundred words. And not in that parrot way, where he just re-says whatever you do. No, he actually KNOWS things. He knows all his basic colors. He knows what a fox is, he knows what a rock is… and many other things that he is more than happy to point out to you. Usually with a big smile as he waits to see your astonishment at how clever he is.

And astonished I am. I can’t believe how fast he’s come in just a month and a half or so. He is putting together complex thoughts even. I had him on my shoulders at Disneyland the other day. He leaned down to look me in the eye and he said, “Down and walk!” Amazing. He was just two days past his second birthday at that point.

It is so much fun watching my nephews grow and mature. They are all so different. Their personalities, their inflections, their intelligence is unique from one to the next. They share a similar gene pool, a similar upbringing, but already you can see the differences in them. Each one is a unique individual in and of them self. I love being a part of their lives and am thankful that I have had the chance to do so.

Especially since I’m not likely to have a child of my own.

Theresa and Bryan are starting to talk about their second child. They might start trying sometime this year. They are hoping for a girl. Can you imagine? A girl in this family after 4 straight boys? She’ll be a princess all right. And with as unique and amazing as each of the boys are, I can only begin to imagine what a single girl in the family would be like. And I’m sure she’ll be exceptional if she ever comes.

A Garage Full of Memories

Theresa, Laura, Bryan and I spent the day going through our overly stuffed storage unit with our friend Missy and Bryan’s cousin Rick. Due to a maintenance upgrade of our storage facility we were required to clear out the unit up to 8′ in from the door. Well that naturally meant we would have to clear a vast majority of the unit out for the maintenance crew (they are installing new roll-up doors). So, after 4.5 years, we decided it was time to finally sort through all the boxes of “stuff™” that we threw into storage after we packed up Dad’s apartment when he died.

This is good. It’s something we’ve needed to do for a very long time, but somehow just never felt up for the emotional and physical challenges of actually doing it. Now we had a legitimate kick in the ass to step up and move and throw stuff away.

We all agreed on heading down the storage at 9 am. We knew that the task would take all day. Afterall, Dad’s boxes alone were stacked front of the garage to the back of the garage – floor to ceiling and about 2/3 of the unit sidewall to sidewall. It was a lot of stuff. The unit also had a bunch of Dawson Digital gear, my storage, Mom’s storage and some of Theresa and Bryan’s storage. Oh! There were a few items of Alyssa’s and even Missy’s umbrella in there too.

I was worried the day was off on the wrong foot when we didn’t even leave the apartment in Vista until well after 9:15. And we still had to drop Sean off with Adam at Laura’s house and pick her up! We eventually go to the storage unit just before 10 am. Nearly an entire hour later than Theresa and I had hoped to start. “Not good,” I thought to myself.

As the door opened and Theresa, Laura, Missy and I (Bryan was a little behind us because he had to get Mom breakfast) stood there looking at the incredibly daunting mountain of cardboard boxes, baby furniture, computer junk and more… I felt myself starting to be overwhelmed. Panic was starting to push in.

But one deep breath and a “here we go” and the four of us just started pulling crap out of the garage and immediately started sorting into piles in the parking lot of “Stuff to keep,” “Stuff to Donate,” “Trash” and stuff to “Really sort through.”

We worked straight through to 4 pm. A full six hours in which we only ALL stopped once. For 15 minutes we all stopped to have lunch. That was the one and only work stoppage of the entire 6 hour day in that garage.

It wasn’t easy but we managed to go through it all. Turns out, half of the stuff we had called “Dad’s Stuff™” over the past 4.5 years was actually stuff from Grandma’s that he never sorted through before he died. So the day became a crazy trip down multiple generations of Dawsons and Hedricks family memories.

To our credit, we kept it together all day and stayed on task. We did find some incredible items that I am glad to have salvaged out of the mess. We actually have the love letters my parents sent to each other while Dad was serving in the Navy and courting Mom in the Philippines before they were married. Amazing.

We also have a journal my Dad wrote about his life during my senior year of high school. Having just thumbed through it a bit today it is a fascinating insight into my Father’s life at a pivotal moment in his life and mine. That was the year that his life took a series of dramatic and important changes. I’m actually very excited to read this journal of his and hopefully learn a little more about the man and how he handled himself through that time of his life. It’s amazing, his writing is so clear and his voice is so apparent in the words. I found myself actually able to envision him sitting at his desk at the house on Country Grove Lane typing his entries in on his x486 computer. Amazing. Talking with Theresa, the way he printed out those journals and put them into a three ring binder… (fairly recently, likely just shortly before he died)… we can’t help but wonder that he maybe hoped we’d find it and read it someday.

We of course found all sorts of photos from our childhood, and from Dad’s. Every photo we found has been saved and put into moisture resistant containers. I plan on scanning the entire library of photos into the computer and adding them to our SmugMug site for anyone to order prints of anything they’d like to have. I’ll work on that throughout this year.

It took all day to get through this stuff. But we did it. Rick joined us about half way through the day and provided a fresh back for hauling the “keepers” to the new unit we moved into at the storage facility. My warmest thanks to him and to Missy who worked her ass off with us today. Without their efforts and their love and support today would have been A LOT harder and I don’t think we’d have been able to complete it all by dark.

For the record, we completely filled up what was a totally empty large trash container, overflowed into 4 large rolling recyle bins, and even had about a half dozen boxes and bags of materials for donation. We went through a tremendous amount of “stuff™” today.

And it was hard. And it was not great having to do it. But we revisited old memories, mostly fun and mostly happy, and in the end I think it was therapeutic. I mean really… Theresa found Laura’s mummified Barbie Doll that she wrapped up in paper mache. How could you possibly feel bad about that? I could almost hear Barbie saying, “It’s from the Egyptian Fall ’0012 collection.” Hahaha.

I miss my Dad, my Grandparents and so many more. You all continue to be in my thoughts everyday and I hope that when when it is my time you will be there waiting for me with open arms.

10 Years

10 Years ago I had begun my second stint in college after having spent two years traveling the country as a “roadie.” In May 2001 I had attended my first Regional EMMY ceremony for my first EMMY nomination. My family was starting to rebuild and reconnect after a tumultuous 90′s. My Dad was finally feeling “normal” again after open heart surgery he’d had in 1999.

In many way I felt like my life had just found it’s stride. I had found purpose. I had balance coming into my personal life. I was hopeful. My optimism for my future was at an all time high.

Then, the morning of 9.11.01 my sister Theresa woke me with the words, “Wake up! I think we are being attacked!”

In that instant my world changed forever. In ways I never could have predicted. Some of them a direct result of 9/11. Some of them just the unfortunate turn of events that every life experiences. But in many ways I can say that 9.11 was the death of that new found optimism I had found in 2000 and early 2001.

Watching those towers burn and then fall was heart crushing for me. I could not stop my tears. I could not stop the anger that overwhelmed me. Or the love.

I enlisted after 9.11. Some people don’t know that. I was eager to join the military and I hoped greatly that I would be able to serve in the intelligence community after 9.11. It seemed to me that the best thing I could do was turn my mind into a weapon and become a part of the system that would protect us from this sort of thing ever happening again. Unfortunately, as much as my desire was there, the military wouldn’t have me. I was too heavy and the rules that had been placed on new recruits were tightened in previous years to help reduce the size of the military. These rules weren’t eased until several years later. By then I was committed to new things and trying to find my own way of healing the world. But to this day I am still sadly disappointed that I was not able to put on the uniform of my country and serve.

Over the next several years my family continued to grow closer. Possibly as a result of our new emotional state after 9.11. Perhaps that is one good thing for us that came of the tragedy. Laura and Adam were married and began their family. Eventually Theresa found love in Bryan and they too have married and begun their family. So all has not been tragedy in the following years. But 9.11 was the beginning of many tragic events in my life over the following 10 years.

We lost my Uncle Bob (2004), my Grandma Dawson (2006), my Father (2007), my Grandma Fronteras (2008 with her body finally identified 11 months later in 2009), my Uncle Francis (2010) and my dear friend Emily (2011). Both my Uncles died of heart failures as did my Father. My Grandma Dawson died after several strokes. My Grandma Fronteras died in the ferry boat that overturned in a monsoon in the Philippines. She was one of 800 souls lost. And my friend Emily was murdered along with her father by her ex-husband. Tragedy after tragedy in what felt like year after year. It was a brutal period of my life. In many ways I feel as though I spent nearly all of the 00′s grieving over one event or person continuously. It’s been heavy on me.

Perhaps that’s why I’m discovering so much grey hair now?

On this the 10th anniversary of 9.11. Of the time I feel like my life took a dramatic turn towards disappointment after disappointment I want to make a pact with myself.

I am pursuing optimism. I refuse to fall into despair. I am going to pursue happiness. I feel like the decision to start sailing this year was not a coincidence. I have found so much joy, so much peace… so much in myself, that I thought I’d lost while I’ve been out there on the water. It’s not by chance that 2011 is when I decided to pursue my dreams by finding new ones to pursue.

I feel like 2011 is a year of rebirth for me. Of renewed optimism. I know that life will continue to throw me challenges. But I am going to face them with a new outlook. I will not allow myself to wander through my life with a zombie like look in my eyes. I will not let the down sides of life dictate how I live. My happiness, my future… it’s all in my hands to control. And I will push forward on pursuing my happiness and my success.

That’s the best I can do. So I’m going to give it my best.

For Dad… 4 Years Past

Four Years Past
Mick Dawson 1950-2007

• 1,461 days.
• 35,064 hours.
• 2,103,840 minutes.
• 126,230,400 seconds.

Four years has passed since my father passed.

It doesn’t sound like much time. Four years is just a fraction of a lifetime. And yet, it feels like forever.

In four years my family has done so many wonderful things. Things my Dad never got to share with us.

Laura had her third child, Kale. Theresa and Bryan got engaged. Then married. Then had Dad’s fourth grandchild, Sean. I’ve fallen in and out of love. We’ve saved our business from the brink, and have started to contemplate moving into new directions away from our original plans with Dad for the business. Life continues on.

Four years.

The world has continued in his absence as well. The Middle East is going through a major transition with Egypt, Tunisia and now Libya over come with people standing up for themselves. Dad would have followed these events with much interest. A black man was finally elected President of the U.S. I doubt he would have voted for Obama, but there would be no denying his pride in witnessing the historic occasion that was Obama’s inauguration. Natural disasters have struck all over the world. Japan would have been very hard for him to witness. His love of the Asian people, especially of Japan, and the total devastation we all witnessed there would have broke his heart. He would have also had a hard time watching the complete disaster that has come of the Fukushima Nuclear Plant. He spent a great deal of his life working in nuclear power and I know he’d have had many things to say about the whole event.

So much has happened. So much has changed.

I’m not the same man I was four years ago. When Dad died I was terribly overweight, I didn’t care much about business, I didn’t care much about my future or planning for it. I lived a pretty reckless life then. In the past four years, I’ve taken more interest in my health, I’ve developed a pretty good business sense, and I’ve learned that I need to balance more of my life between work and pleasure. So often I’ve spent my life overdoing one or the other. I lived out of balance a lot back then. I’m striving to find more balance now, and I think I’m generally a happier person for it.

I am still pursuing my dreams, though I have to admit that my dreams of 2011 differ a bit from my dreams of 2007. No longer am I solely focussed on the one dream of being a filmmaker. I spent two years happily involved with a woman I truly loved. In many ways she was my exact opposite, she was meticulous, careful, a planner. Much like my father actually. And though the relationship has ended I found in being with her a better sense of myself. Of finding those more structured sides of my own being. Things my Dad always said I was lacking.

Now, I am still the dreamer. But I temper that dreaming with some sense of responsibility. To my family. To my loved ones. And most importantly to myself. In many ways my dreams have gotten bigger. I’m making films, I’m sailing the world… I’m pursuing so many things that matter to me. But I’m also taking charge of my finances. I’ve finally put my IRS and student loan problems behind me with agreeable deals in both cases. I’m no longer running from responsibilities. I don’t let them stop me from doing the amazing things I want to do in my life… but I’m not letting them get completely out of control and away from me like I have in the past. I’m finally finding balance and I think my Dad would be pleased.

Theresa and Laura have both grown incredibly as well. Laura and Adam continue to be the amazing “high school sweethearts” couple, and are doing a good job raising Mikey, Aiden and Kale. Even with some struggles with job security (isn’t that true for most of us these days) and with Kale’s unique learning needs. They are keeping it all together and I’m very proud of them, as I know that Dad would be. Theresa has married Bryan and they have the most amazing baby boy in Sean. He’s a happy child and his big ears remind me so much of Dad’s baby photos, it’s scary. In many ways he reminds me of him. He brings joy to the entire family and Theresa is an incredible mother and has done a great deal to help Laura and Adam with their kids since Dad passed. She continues to be our protector, and Dad, I’m sure, is smiling down on her still.

The girls are also starting to pursue their new dreams as well. Laura is acting again, and she’s amazing. She’s as talented as we have always believed her to be, and I think she’s finally mature enough now to believe it herself. Theresa has successfully transitioned into directing as well. Her first effort was a wonderful horror film that she directed with such ease and confidence, you’d have never guessed she’d never directed before. He’d be so incredibly proud of them.

Dad always told us that some day he’d be gone and we would have to carry on without him. That day came much sooner than any of us would have liked. But his lessons, his love and his spirit continues to guide us to this day.

For 1,461 days I have not gone one single day without thinking of the man. I still weigh most of my decisions against my thoughts of how he would have reacted. His opinions still carry weight with me and they likely always will. But I try to take solace in knowing that my relationship with him was such that even though he is gone he is still always with me. He’s a part of me. Deep down my heart and my mind continue to hear his words. I continue to live my life in the warmth of his love and approval, even though I no longer can enjoy hearing the words from him or feeling his embrace.

I pursue my dreams as my father taught me to. To never give up. To hold my head high in failure and to stay humble in success. I love openly. My family is my soul. My friends are my family. And though I still struggle to find that one love to share more of my life with I will continue to hold hope that she’s there for me, somewhere. I know that I will make her happy when we finally connect. I know that because my father taught me how to be a man. And if I can be just a tenth of the man my father was then I know that I too will be a good man.

I miss you Dad. Everyday. I hope and I pray that you are out there discovering the wonders of this Universe and beyond, and I believe that someday I’ll hear you tell me how proud I continued to make you. Until then, please check in on me from time to time. I think I’m still full of surprises, but I think I’m getting better all the time.

All my love to my Dad on the 4th anniversary of his passing.
Dave

October 2009 Cruise

My Heart Aches…

With great sadness I post this link to an article about the tragic murder of my dear friend Emily, wife of my brother Kurt Jordan and mother of Amanda (7) and newborn baby Luc (4 months). She and her father, Russell, were ruthlessly gunned down by her ex-husband Tuesday night after he lost custody of Amanda to Emily.

My heart mourns for the loss of Emily. She was a beautiful soul and was without a doubt Kurt’s perfect soulmate. I am sick from this news and I can only imagine the pain that Kurt and the entire Jordan and Ford families are going through right now.

If there is a God, may he bring peace to Emily and her father, stillness and comfort to Kurt and Emily’s families and friends and the worst possible pain and eternal torment to this monster who has brought a lifetime of pain and suffering to so many others.

Man Kills Ex-wife and Her Father – News – The Orange County Register.

With Sails Unfurled

The journey of a lifetime.
Chronicled on the web.

http://withsailsunfurled.com

Even Galaxies Go Dim

Last week the LA Galaxy had all the brightness of the most brilliant stars in the sky. This week it seems those stars have all gone dark.

Ok, maybe not completely dark. Landon and Becks both had good games. But as a whole the Galaxy were completely off their game tonight against FC Dallas.

Final Score? 3-0 Dallas. Ugh. That’s just ugly and humiliating.

Still, it was a great time for all of us who went. Mom finally got to see David Beckham up close on the field and she was thrilled. From six seats away, in the middle of the game and the thunderous crowd, I could hear her proclaim, “He has such an amazing ass!”

Thanks to some great seats provided to us by my friend Chris (thanks again buddy!) we were able to really enjoy the game.

Maybe next year the Galaxy can make it all the way to a win and bring home the MLS Cup? We’ll see.

Had a Great Time At LA Galaxy Game

The Los Angeles Galaxy beat the Seattle Sounders FC 2-1 tonight at the Home Depot Center in Carson, CA. Both Galaxy goals came off of assists from David Beckham. From my seats the goals were both scored right in front of me in the first half. So cool.

Halloween

So Halloween is coming up. This is a tough holiday for me. For one… I don’t find it to be much of a holiday… more like a state approved day for acting strangely.

Namely, children get dressed up in costume and are sent out into the world as beggars. And grown women use the day as a chance to slut it up as much as they can and turn every grown man around them into beggars. It’s a little bizarre really.

But on top of that, the first real experience with a death of someone close to me happened around this holiday in 1995. Sure my Grandfather had passed away the year before but, after spending 3 of his last 4 weeks with him talking, I bailed out a week before he actually passed. So I didn’t really experience losing him.

But that Halloween in 1995 what I went through was horrific. It was intimate and it was life changing.

Many of you know the story about my mother’s fiance Rusty dying in a car accident in Texas. Many of you know he was on that ill-fated trip in my place so that he could encourage me to actually live up to my obligations and go to work that night.

It’s a long story. One full of regrets, sadness and pain. Honestly there isn’t really anything good that came of it.

I guess the only thing I can say that might be good from it all is that my dedication to working… to growing into my potential really came into being at that point. That experience has fueled so much of my drive and my ambition in the years since. It stands, to this day, as one of the single most defining moments of my adult life.

I’d have to say the passing of my father in 2007 had as much impact on me, and in much the same way it has pushed me to further dedicate myself to pushing my limits and growing beyond what I comfortably am and instead moving into the unknown. I’ve found through both of these experiences that I am able to be so much more than I think I am if I just allow myself to do the things I am afraid of. To try the new… to explore the unknown and to not sit by and watch my life go by.

So hello Halloween. I still don’t know how to “celebrate” you, but I know that every year your return pushes me to reflect on my life and continue to choose to be something more than I am today.

It’s Been a Long and Winding Road

Since the completion of the Surf Cup in the first week of August I think I have been home a total of something like 17 days.

I have been everywhere from Vegas, Spokane, Wichita (twice), Oklahoma City, Norfolk, Atlanta and San Luis Obispo. I’ve worked on video gigs, gay weddings, MMA Webshows and Polo Charity Events. It’s been a crazy ride, and for the most part I’ve enjoyed myself immensely.

But the final part of this whirlwind tour was the loss of my Uncle Francis after emergency heart surgery to replace his failed aortic valve and to peform a bypass.

It was a tragic ending to a very long strange trip I’ve felt like I have been on.

I’m so tired, and I’m so numb. I don’t really know what else there is to say about it.

I want to talk to someone, anyone about how I am feeling, but I just don’t have words to say right now.

I feel very lost.

Francisco Fronteras 1957-2010

Eulogy for Uncle Francis

Quiet.

Strength.

Affectionate.

Loving.

These are the four words that I use to describe my Uncle. He was, to me, a very strong, very quiet and very affectionate and loving man.

Many men are raised in this world without the benefit of having any positive role models in their life. My Uncle was one of these. As my Mother said shortly after he passed, Francis had become an incredible man of strength, integrity and love and he had done it in spite of having little guidance in becoming so. He had chosen to be that way and he found his own path in life. He forged his personality through the strength of his own character.

In my life I have had the honor of having three incredible men to show me what being a man is all about. My grandfather Carl who was as honorable a man as you will ever meet, my own father, Mick who was also a quiet and strong man with an endless love for his family and my Uncle Francis.

Through Francis I have learned that we can be more than the situations of our youth might suggest for us. That we can have the strength of will, the personal desire, and the capacity to overcome obstacles presented to us and to become the type of person who is admired and loved by all who meet us.

Francis had a great capacity for love. I can see it in the grief of his friends, the grief of his family and most especially in the grief of my Auntie Lorna. We do not grieve for his loss. I believe he is in a much better place than this now, joining those who’ve already gone and preparing a place for us all when our time also comes.

We grieve because our own lives are now less than they were before. Without his love in our lives we feel a great emptiness. And that is unbearable. So we grieve, and in grieving we are, together, lifting the voices of our souls to Francis and letting him know that he mattered to us. That he is and will be missed in our lives.

When I was little I visited the Philippines. I was maybe 7 the last time I visited. And I was away from my Dad who had stayed here and I felt very lost and alone. But Francis took me under his wing. He was always a creative man. A tinkerer, who could turn anything into an artistic piece. At the time he was making jewelry and he showed me how he made rings. And in showing me his craft he made me feel connected to him, he made me feel special and he made me feel loved. I have never forgotten that kindness and that warmth he gave to me as a child. And so I was very excited when I heard he was finally coming to the US. I’ll never forget the look of surprise when we met again and he saw how much I’d grown. All he could say that whole night was, “You’re so big!” “David, you are so big!” . . . that, and also, “I’m so cold!”

I for one am a better man for having known my Uncle. We didn’t talk much. I don’t think he ever became fully comfortable speaking English with me. I’m sure I spoke too fast for him sometimes and I think he felt like he spoke too slowly for me. So instead we had developed a sort of silent language of nods and glances over the years. His approval coming in a sort of quiet nod, his disapproval in a glance through his squinted eyes. We understood each other without saying words.

What words needed to be said were often expressed through Karaoke. And usually that meant me singing… For hours. I’d say, “Uncle, why don’t you sing?” He’d just smile and say, “no that’s all right I just want to hear you sing.” And I’d continue. And continue. And continue. But I never wanted to stop singing for him because his acceptance of me always felt so good, and the look of joy on his face as I sang was always more satisfying for me than I could ever describe.

I will miss my Uncle Francis. But I will never forget him. His influence on my life will forever be felt. His example will continue to guide me in how I love my family, how I treat the women in my life and in how I will continue to push myself to be more than I am today. I thank him for being such a positive energy in my life and I look forward to the day when our souls can sing together once again.

INKed

Well it took me 15 years to finally live up to the promise I made to Bryan when we were in college and I got my first tattoo tonight. Hey, we’ve been shooting a production at King Ink here in Vegas for a few days… how could this not be the time to finally get it done?

Of course, as nice a joint as King Ink is, I couldn’t afford it. So we went to Atomic City. It’s a small little hole in the wall kind of place just north of the Stratosphere. We did a lot of research on line and they had great reviews on YELP and the price was fair. I’m very happy with our decision. A dude called “Monk” gave me my tat. (Short for Monkey, a nickname he got a long time ago and it’s gradually shortened up to Monk over the years.) I have to say the place was very clean, the staff was incredibly cool to deal with and very helpful in making that final decision and in keeping it fun while also being considerate of the fact that it was something I’d have to live with.

In the end Monk took the design I had been mulling over for a week (a design I found after 10 months of searching) and he tweaked it and improved it and the end result is something I’m very happy with. In fact, I think it’s pretty bad ass. So there’s another experience to check off the bucket list.

And for those of you wondering about the design, it’s in memory of my Dad. Mick left us 3 years ago this coming August 27. When he died my sisters and I all said we’d get ankh tattoos in his memory. The Ankh is the ancient Egyptian symbol for Life. Dad was very into the ancient Egyptian culture and was always fascinated by their belief system, their advanced technology and in their art. Many, many discussions were had regarding the Egyptians and many TV programs were watched with him regarding Pharoahs, Pyramids and more. We were actively planning out a trip to Egypt someday soon in the months before he passed. Alas, that’s a trip we’ll never take together. But I will forever display my Ankh and remember my Dad and the incredible Life he lived, the Life he gave to me, and the Life I hope to lead in his honor.

A Wonderful Weekend

So I spent the weekend in Vegas with Teesa, Bryan, Jesse, Jessica, Samantha and Missy. No, we weren’t here to gamble. We were here for a wedding.

And not just any wedding, but a Gay Wedding! Missy’s older sister Jackie married her partner Andrea on Sunday. It was a beautiful, intimate experience and I had the high honor of taking their wedding photos.

As a general rule, I try to avoid working weddings. They are high stress affairs, and I just don’t like to take that on anymore. But Missy asked me to please do her this favor. I have to admit that I was reluctant to say yes when she asked. It just didn’t appeal to me.

Thankfully, I said yes. And I’m very glad I did. It is such a great honor to be included in what is one of the most intimate and loving occasions that any family experiences.

Both Bride and Broom wore white. Andrea’s dress was gorgeous, and Jackie was very smart in her tuxedo with a vibrant blue tie. They were both beaming during the ceremony and the joy that was felt was amazing.

Thank you Jackie and Andrea for letting my family join yours on this incredibly special day. May your life together be one of joys, happiness, success and LOVE.

Father’s Day Blues

So I just had one of the weirdest Father’s day of my life.

I woke up feeling depressed. The day started with the overwhelming realization that I was going to spend my third Father’s Day without my Dad. It’s been nearly three years since he passed away suddenly, and I miss him every single day. The pain has subsided, but the constant reality of his absence remains. It’s a hollow feeling in my heart that I don’t believe will ever be filled. My Dad was an amazing man, gentle, kind, loving, intelligent and incredibly funny in that bad pun sort of way. His laughter, his smile and his hugs and general warmth are sorely missed.

But this was not the only feelings I had for the day, no. In fact, there are two other fathers in this family now. Adam, who is the father of my first three nephews (Mikey, Aiden and Kale) and now Bryan the father of my fourth nephew (Sean). For Adam this was his sixth or seventh father’s day. And for Bryan it was his first. I love my nephews and I love both of my brother-in-laws. So incredibly different people they both are. Neither of them are carbon copies of my father. Indeed, my sisters definitely did not “marry their Dad” as people are so often quoted as saying. No, they are two very different men, with very different tastes and attitudes about so many things in life. But they are both incredibly loving fathers who I know would do anything for their sons and their wives.

So I spent the morning having breakfast with both of these young families. My families. My sisters and their husbands and kids. It was nice to be with them all. The nephews, from Mikey all the way to Sean, are always sure to make me smile. But it’s also hard to sit there with them, knowing that my Dad will have never known Kale or Sean. Knowing that as much as Mikey remembers of his Grandpa Mick right now, those memories are likely to fade with time. It’s sad. And on Father’s Day I sense that more than on probably any other day of the year.

After breakfast I went to work at the Polo club. It was training day for Missy. This carried with it even more mixed emotions for Father’s Day. Missy is going through her own difficulties with her father, Jack. Jack may not have any more Father’s Days left either. It’s terribly sad, and I pray this isn’t the case for Missy and her family. Hopefully it won’t be. But the reality is that I know my friend is closer to that experience than any of us would hope and sitting there with her on Father’s Day made me feel so much pain and sadness it was almost overwhelming.

I know I have a tendency to sound like I’m always depressed, or that I am very sad all the time. This is not the case, there is much to be happy about in my life. I have two wonderful sisters with amazing sons whom I love very much. I have two brother-in-laws who I am happy to call my brothers. I have friends who bring out the best in me and help me overcome the worst and I am succeeding in business in ways I never imagined myself being able to as recently as a just last year. My Mother is still with us and her laughter and love are infectious. I have much going for me.

But still… on Father’s Day, I can’t help but remember, and miss the towering giant, incredibly simple and infinitely loving man that my Father was in my eyes.

Miss you, as always, Dad. I Love You.

New Specs

So, lost my specs a few weeks back. Think it was at Disneyland. That would make it Disneyland 2 – David 0. Seem to lose my specs at the park. Have to remember that when I’m there. Oy.

Bought some new specs tonight. What do you think?

It’s a Huffy kind of Birthday!

So who would have guessed that my gift of choice for my 35th birthday would be a bike? A beach cruiser nonetheless. And who would have guessed my family would pull through on that wish and get me one of the coolest looking beach cruisers I could have hoped for?

It’s so cool. It’s got a very retro feel to it, right down to it’s 50′s era paint job. Simply gorgeous!

Thanks to Theresa and Bryan and Mom for such a great gift!

And thank you to Laura and Adam and Mikey and Aiden and Kale and Missy and Jess and Alissa and Steve L. and Nicole for coming to my house on Saturday to celebrate my birthday and T’s birthday. It was a wonderful party. Good food, good friends, good family and lots of karaoke and lumpia! My 35th B-Day FTW!

Loving my iPad

Well it’s been over a month now and I have to say it… I love my iPad.

This morning I was waiting in line at the DMV to renew my license. When I got there the line wrapped all the way around the building. So, I dutifully found my place at the back of the line and pulled out my iPad. For the next 40 minutes, while standing in broad daylight, I read the first five chapters of “Moby Dick”.

Yes Virginia, there is a readable screen in the daylight on the iPad.

It was great. Before I knew it I was at the front of the line being given a number to, you guessed it, wait in a different line.

No problem. Out came the trusty iPad, once again. Reading commenced, once again. And once again the time just flew by. With the minor interruption of one DMV employee who wanted a demonstration of the iPad and a brief discussion of what’s possible on it. She was thinking about getting a Kindle, but once she saw the broader usefulness off the iPad she was converted. I imagine she’ll have her iPad by the end of the week.

Yes, there are shortcomings on the device currently. It’s still frustrating that there’s no printing from the device. But Steve Jobs sent an email out to someone yesterday assuring them that printing is coming to the iPad. So I can wait. It is also frustrating that there is no way to pull a Word Doc, or PPT or Excel file from a USB thumb drive. This would be very useful in the field when someone throws you a last minute file to edit and you have no WiFi signal, or additional computer on hand to send the file from. Perhaps this will be corrected in the future too? We’ll see.

But aside from some, “If A happens when I’m in B, then I can’t accomplish C” scenarios the iPad lives up to my expectations and exceeds them in most respects. And those ABC scenarios are not daily occurrences for me, and can usually be avoided with enough careful planning ahead of time.

Anyone else out there with an iPad with some thoughts to share?

Got my iPad

Well I have it. My very own iPad. Bryan and I went down to the Apple store at 5 this morning. First in line. Awesome. More details to come. But first impressions are very good! I love this thing.

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