That’s 1t! 1′m done!

1 can’t take it anymore.

1′ve finally just had enough.

1′m tired of wondering where my life is going.

1′m tired of wondering where my next paycheck is coming from.

1′m tired.

1′m absolutely sick to death of pursuing dreams that are never fulfilled. Of “chasing the dragon” all the time. Creativity is sucking the life out of me. My life would be so much simpler if I was just another automaton like the majority of everyone else.

So that’s it. 1′m done.

1′m through pursuing this elusive dream 1 have of being an “Art1st”.

Goodbye films, goodbye art, goodbye music. 1′m through.

Beautiful Days Continue

I’m starting to think that I should start a new blog category called: Beautiful San Diego. I think that’s a great idea. It can be a blog area where I post my musings on the beauty of my favorite American City, post photos and video and remind myself and everyone who’ll read why I love living here. Yeah that’s a great idea.

Another Beautiful Day… and yet…

So it’s another beautiful day here in San Diego. The birds are chirping, the sun is shining and I can hear the surf pounding on the beach just a block or two from my home.

And yet, I don’t feel very happy today.

Oh! Don’t get me wrong… I don’t feel bad. I just don’t particularly feel “up” today. I can’t explain it. There’s nothing particular that’s got me in a funk. I just feel kind-of “funk’ish.”

I guess that it’s normal. We don’t all feel wonderful all of the time. And we certainly don’t feel all down all of the time. So sometimes we are bound to be somewhere in-between. Kind of in emotional limbo. I guess my only concern is that when I come out of limbo I want to find myself on the “up” side of it. Not on the “down.”

We’ll see how it goes.

Pushing Forward

So 2010 is shaping up to be a big year for me.

In January I set some pretty lofty goals for myself. Some of those goals I am not sure I’ll be able to meet, but the attempt is really what’s important here.

To this end, I have spent the last couple of weeks really evaluating a lot of my life’s daily schedules. Particularly I’ve been re-evaluating the worth of working for the Surf Soccer Club on a daily basis.

I have spent 6 of the last 9 years parking cars, picking up trash and enforcing the Polo Club rules for the Surf Soccer Club. It’s been a great job, one that helped get me through my studies at Palomar, gave me the freedom to shoot “What’s The Vig?” and helped nurse my entire family through the economic downturn last year. In short, I am very thankful for the opportunity I’ve had working for the club.

But it’s time to move on. I have big dreams and big ambitions and as I approach my 35th birthday I am realizing that my time is increasingly worth something to me. I’ve come to realize that any time I spend not pushing forward on my dream is, for me, wasted time. I don’t want to be working on anything anymore that doesn’t meet one of the following criteria:

• Stimulate my creativity
• Advance my career/company
• Increase my knowledge/experience

Those three items are my main criteria for deciding if something is worth my time. You’ll note that money is not part of my criteria. This is important. I do not want to work just to make money. To me, if I am pursuing the things that stimulate me and make me happy I know the money will follow.

This is a big step. It’s kind of scary, but I know it’s the right choice for me. I’ve already lined up a bunch of freelance work in the A/V business, Dawson Digital’s video production and graphics business has been growing steadily over the past 6 months and our software company is just about to launch. It’s exciting times around here and I want to give it my all. It’s time to step up and make things happen!

Baby Sean’s First Video

Baby Sean’s First Video!

Sean Murphy William Davis

Hello world. Say hello to my newest nephew, Sean Murphy William Davis.

He was born on Feb. 24, 2010 at 3:49 AM. He was 7lb 10oz, and was 19 inches long.

He’s cute as a bug and his parents did a wonderful job bringing him into this world. I’m sure they are going to be a wonderful family!

Working in Palm Desert

Well, Bryan and I are up in Palm Desert this week working with IMS Audio Visual on the eTail West conference.

I enjoy working with the boys from IMS. They are good guys. Nice to work with.

Bryan is here working, even though his wife (my sister) is at home ready to pop with their first child. Hopefully she won’t go into labor while we are here. She’s acutally due on the 7th of March. So we are assuming we have another week, although, we all know Teesa would prefer to have the kid sooner than later at this point.

This is an interesting conference to be working at this point. With Apadapa Labs getting ready to launch we are quickly preparing to become a company with actual products to sell. Not just services. So the sessions here on email marketing and online data collecting are extremely relevant and interesting.

It’s coming…

Apadapa Labs

Oh yeah.

One Thought

I miss my Dad. Wonder if I’m making him proud.

Richard Dreyfuss is a Normal Person

So I took my mother to Broken Yolk in La Costa yesterday. She’d never eaten there before. It’s a great place for breakfast and lunch. If you’ve never been there I highly recommend it.

Well as we are walking up to the restaurant my Mother blurts out, “Hey isn’t that? It is! Look David! It’s him!”

Obviously I had no idea what she was talking about. So I spun about and looked into the window next to me. Sure enough, sitting there on the other side of the glass was none other than Richard Dreyfuss. There was no mistaking it. Right there, in front of me, was one of the men who I grew up watching on the silver screen. A legend in my life. I mean really, this is the guy from Jaws, Close Encounters and Mr. Holland’s Opus!

For me, that was cool enough. We went in and we were seated. About two booths down from Mr. Dreyfuss.

Naturally I started doing some googling of the man on my iPhone. Turns out he lives in Olivenhain. Crazy.

Well, I gave my phone to Mom so that she could quietly take a photo of him sitting in his booth since she was seated facing him. I’ve worked with enough celebrities to know that no matter what we think of their profession and the “price of fame,” the reality is they are just normal people who are trying to live their lives. I didn’t want to pester the man, even though part of me would have done anything to get an autograph if I could!

So there I was content knowing that I was even close enough to the man to hear his voice as he spoke. And to know that we were eating in the same restaurant. Everything was good. Cool story. Right?

Not for Mom. She wanted a close up photo. So she charged over to his table. Not in a mean or malicious way, no. She went over there as a grey haired old lady armed with an iPhone she could barely use and very sweetly asked him if it would be ok if she took a photo of him. He reluctantly agreed to it and she very shyly snapped a photo and thanked him and came back to the booth.

She handed me the phone and asked me how the picture came out.

As you can see, Mom was a little excited. That, coupled with her inability to hold still while taking a photo really worked against her this time. Mom was, to say the least, not happy with that.

She immediately began insisting that I go over there and take another photo of the man.

I really didn’t want to. I didn’t want to be that guy. You know, the guy who just totally ruins a celebrity’s day by not letting them just eat their breakfast in peace? That guy. Mom wanted me to be that guy.

I politely told her I didn’t think it was a good idea. That he should be left alone. He was gracious enough to let her take one photo, but his fame didn’t give us a free pass to pester the man. Well, Mom didn’t really want to hear that and she started giving me the evil eye. We hadn’t even been given our food yet, and I knew very quickly that this was going to be a long meal if I didn’t do as she wanted.

Right about this time Mr. Dreyfuss’ companion got up and walked away from the table. He was now alone in his booth reading the paper. Reluctantly I got up and made my way to the table.

“Mr. Dreyfuss, I’m very sorry to interrupt you sir. I know you are having breakfast, or whatever…”

At this point he puts his paper down and looks over at me. He’s obviously annoyed, but holding it back. He’s been doing this for 30+ years and it shows.

“Sir, my Mom already asked you for a photo. Thank you for that. But she was so excited it came out all blurry and well, she… next week is her birthday, and she’s insisted that I come over and ask you if she can take it again. Maybe one together with you sir?”

I knew from the look on his face as soon as he turned and looked at me that this wasn’t going to end with a new photo. But I was all-in. I had to ask, just to be able to tell my Mom that I’d tried.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t,” said Mr. Dreyfuss.

“I understand sir. Thank you,” I said.

“Thank you for asking politely like you did,” he said.

With that I got up and walked back to my table. Mom was shocked. And as I walked past Mr. Dreyfuss’ returning companion I heard her say, rather unhappily, “Ok, it’s really time to go now.”

The two of them were up and out of the restaurant very shortly after. I felt like a total heel.

Except for when I looked at my Mom. She was so happy to know that I was willing to go forward and ask the question for her. Sure, she didn’t get the picture. But she got something better, perhaps? She knows her son is willing to go out on a limb for her. To do something he’d really rather not, just for her. That her needs are important to me.

That was worth it, in the end.

I’m sorry Mr. Dreyfuss, as much as I respect your work and your personal space, my Mother’s happiness had to come first for me. I hope you understand.

January Rolls Into February

2010 is 1/12 over. January has passed us by.

*Blink* It’s over!

Amazing. February is already upon us. The next month should be very interesting. We are making some great headway on launching our software company. We have meetings on Thursday to determine our name, meet with the lawyer to file all the incorporation papers and truly launch this thing.

I’m very excited about the prospects of this new venture. I think there is a tremendous amount of talent in our group and we should be able to hit a few homeruns on this software business. It’s really going to be great!

February… we will see the completion of our first iPhone app this month as we complete our very first app that is being developed for a client. Very cool. I’ll be sure to let everyone know when it’s available on the App Store.

Look out world! We’re putting our cloud out there in the sky!

Dreams

Dreams are the things that push our creativity. They are the inspiration that moves us to greatness. They are what our hearts and our minds wish for us together. The successful pursuit of one’s dreams can be the most rewarding experience of our lives. And yet, many of us give up on our dreams at one point or another. We convince ourselves that it’s too hard, the ceiling is too high, the reality of our lives can’t live up to the fantasy. Why do we do that?

Is it necessary to do that? Is that just the way it is? I’ve found myself asking this question more and more recently.

I have lots of dreams. Some of them, I know, are totally unreasonable. (Let’s face it, I’m likely never going to find myself President of Apple. But a lot of them are dreams I have been working very hard towards accomplishing.

My moviemaking, running my own business, being a man I can be proud of. I guess those aren’t crazy dreams to have. I am, technically living out all three of them.

But it’s very difficult. The moviemaking is rewarding in it’s own way. But I am beginning to wonder if I’ll ever lift it to the lofty expectations of my dreams. What are the chances I’ll ever get to make an Avatar? Or even still, what are the chances I’ll ever get to make my Dad’s film? Is it even worth thinking about that sort of loftier ambition? Or should I be content with the level I’m at and just learn to be happy with that?

My business venture with Theresa and Laura is going pretty well. We are working very hard to grow and expand our reach. We are launching a new software company that has the potential to make us a load of money in the next year and a half alone. But I still wonder if we are going to reach that point. I wonder if my dreams are ultimately out of reach of my reality. Is it folly to continue pushing for such high goals? Or is that the true sign of someone on the path to success? The unwillingness to give up? I often wonder if my life would be easier if I’d just suck it up and work a “regular job.”

And as for being a man I can be proud of. I think I’m living that dream out day-to-day. Generally I think I’m succeeding and I like to think that I’m not just tooting my own horn without reason. Certainly being dumped, for no obvious reasons, in October has shaken that perception of who I am a bit. But I think I’ve responded to the challenges of the past 4 months with dignity and grace and patience, understanding and love. I think I’m doing all right.

This isn’t a crisis post. I’m not planning on changing my path or doing anything drastic. But I think it’s good to evaluate and question one’s path periodically. Don’t you?

Beautiful Outside

So after what feels like an eternity of rain, we have finally been given a day or two of blue skies. The forecast is for more gloomy, rainy weather in a couple of days, but for right now we are being treated to the wonder of crisp, clean skies in San Diego.

It’s absolutely gorgeous. One of those days that reminds you why you live in So Cal.

The other day Alissa said I was being very Glass Half-Full when I said the rain was great because it would bring us blue skies, green hillsides and clean air. You can even see snow capped mountain peaks in the east county from the beach! Well, maybe I was a bit Glass Half-Full, but I was also right!

So nice out, but I also can’t wait for the next few days of rain. I want this to be the year we pull our So Call butts out of the drought. So tired of the drought conditions.

Up Late Again

I guess this is one of the downsides of being single again. I just can’t seem to sleep anymore.

It’s kind of a big joke in the family and with all of my close friends, this reality that I can function on so little sleep. 3-4 hours really isn’t a big deal for me.

But, somehow, when I wasn’t single I found sleep much easier to find at night. I miss that about being with her. I miss the calmness of my mind. The way I was centered when she was with me. My mind would stop racing, my body would relax and sleep would come. It wan’t unusual for me to sleep a full 8 hours in a night, sometimes more.

But here I am, once again, staring at the clock. Listening to the nighttime sounds of the neighborhood around me. Wishing that somehow I could find the peace, the calmness, the comfort of a full night’s rest. I might not need it to function tomorrow, but I miss the way I felt when I was able to sleep easily. Maybe someday I’ll find that peace once again.

Total for the first 24 hours of this storm week…

So, according to WeatherBug we got 1.83″ of rain here in Encinitas in the first 24 hours of storms for the week. That’s a lot of rain for San Diego. Can’t wait to see how much more we get as the week progresses.

One side benefit of all this rain… I have my afternoons off all week since we can’t hold soccer practice at the Polo Club when the weather is like this.

Rain

I have to say I am very pleased that it is raining outside.

I know most people in So. Cal. hate it when it rains. But I find it refreshing. As though we are getting a good rinse down as the new year starts. Like we’ll all have a fresh clean slate to start from when this week is out.

I love the sound of the rain on my roof as I’m drifting off to sleep. It’s soothing and almost reassuring. Water, after all, is essential to life. It’s a fundamental necessity. Sure it’s gray and dark while the rain is here, but I look forward to what it leaves us. The greener hills, the cleaner air, the absence of drought conditions for the So. Cal. region. It’s all good.

So enjoy the rain. I am.

Additional personal goals for 2010

So after a day or two of thinking about it I forgot or decided to add a couple more items:

I will learn to Ballroom Dance this year.
I will learn to play the guitar this year.
I will act more this year.
I will direct a film this year.

I’ll add more if they come to me.

2010 – Futures

So I’ve spent the last few days thinking a lot about the future.

It’s time to set some new goals in my life. I turn 35 in May, so maybe I should look back at the goals I had set for myself and see if they’ve come to pass.

There were really only a couple of major goals I had set for myself when I was 30 to have accomplished by the time I was 35.

1. To produce a feature film by 35.
   Accomplished. “What’s The Vig?” and Iraq and Beyond.
2. Have my own place.
   Accomplished. Moved into my own place in October 2009.
3. Get my finances out of chaos.
   In progress with major advances at the end of 2009.
4. Have my own production company up and running.
   Accomplished. Dawson Digital has been in existence since 2004. We’ve produced two features (1 narrative, 1 documentary and multiple shorts with a whole shelf of awards and achievements.)

That’s really it. That’s all the major goals I had set for myself at 30. (Funny that I didn’t actually start to take care of two of those items until just recently.)

Now 35… what are my goals like now? I think I’ll set them at a more reasonable 12-18 months setting now. That way I don’t wait 4-5 years to get around to them like this last time.

David’s 2010 Goals:

1. To continue to improve my personal financial situation.
   This includes:
   Finally eliminating debt to IRS and FTB
   Settling into acceptable agreements on Student Loans
2. Grow Dawson Digital’s business by a factor of 10.
   Dawson Digital was about a $100,000.00 business in 2009. I intend to bring Dawson Digital to a $1M business in the next 18 months. This will be done through a variety of means. Expanding and exploring new ventures for the company, like our iPhone business and Team Ordering software. Establishing business partnerships to expand our reach, hello Blue Horse and Trumpet! And maybe, taking on some new bold ventures only spoken about in the past. Things that aren’t “polite to talk about” in casual conversation, but have the potential to make us millions.
3. Continue to improve my health.
   I will lose more weight. I’m thinking a final weight of 210 lbs by this time next year.
   I completely quit smoking in 2010.
   Maybe I will add in some goal, like running a half-marathon or something. Let’s see how busy the year is as it progresses, yeah?
4. In all that I do, I will listen to my heart.
   Maybe this seems like a weird thing to have in “goals.” But the past few months, and really the past couple of years have shown me how incredibly hard it can be to listen to your own voice in life. It’s so easy to be swayed off of your own path when others are telling you to do something completely different. From the common advice of family and friends about your personal life, to the constant drone of the media over how bad the economy is. It’s easy to let other people’s opinions move you in directions you didn’t mean to go. So this is an actual goal for me. I’m not going to let others dictate my response to the world around me. I will listen to my own voice, follow my own heart and charge forward on my own path.

I think that’s it. I think those are my main goals for the next 12-18 months. Let’s get to it!

2010 – First Impressions

So it’s not quite two weeks in to the year 2010 and I thought I’d take a moment to put down some thoughts on the year so far.

I remember being a kid and watching the movie 2010: The Year We Make Contact and thinking that 2010 was sooooo very far off. Can’t believe I’m actually living in the year now. It’s kind of crazy. It was always one of those sort of intangible milestones that I spoke about, but somehow, never really thought would come.

I don’t know how to explain it, but knowing that it is now the year 2010 is just a bit surreal for me.

So far the year has been a pretty strange one. I’m frightfully busy with projects for work. Somehow our business has managed to survive the economic downturn as though it never existed. This is good, as it has made all of us around here a lot more calm while the world seemed to be falling apart around us.

And yet, somehow, even with the blessings of all of this work I find myself longing for something different. Perhaps it’s a symptom of my recently becoming single again, but I am experiencing a great deal of wander-lust. Meaning, I have a huge urge to travel again. To just drop all that I’m doing and go start something completely new… preferably abroad. You know, a complete change of lifestyle, culture and business.

Who knows if I’ll actually pursue it. But the thoughts are all on my mind again. Last time I had this sort of desire I ended up working for Gold Coast traveling all over the country doing corporate events and concerts.

But, this is 2010! Not 1999. And my life is quite a bit different now. I am furiously working on finding the right angle to get Dawson Digital super successful. Not just for me, but for my siblings and their families and for my Mom. I honestly believe that if I work hard enough I can provide an incredible security for all of them through this company I started with Theresa and Dad. On that turn, we are actively working on iPhone App development, commercial video and graphic design work and even trying to figure out how to market our Team Ordering software system that’s been in development for over 2 years. Recently Karl has stated an interest in helping us with that one. I’ll meet with him when I return from working in Vegas this week to see what we can do.

Any one of these software pieces of the Dawson Digital pie has the potential to turn us all into millionaires. I really feel like this year we are right on the verge of finally realizing all that we have been pushing for since Dad died.

We shall see.

On a personal note, I am generally pretty happy. I am still sorting out how to deal with my broken heart. I’m not angry, or bitter. Just sad and confused. Hopeful for what the future holds, but still wishing that the future was something I was pursuing with the woman I love. Not something I am building alone. But you never know what the future holds for you. Do you?

I have found that since the year began I am terribly late for almost everything. I mean, I just can’t seem to show up on time for any appointments. At all! Wonder if that will settle down as the year progresses, or if that’s a new behavior pattern for me.

I will be turning 35 this May. 35 is a big number for me. I’m reaching some turning points in my life. Some markers that I have set for myself many moons ago are quickly approaching. It’s time, I guess, to really evaluate who I am again, and what I want to do with myself. A good thing to do periodically I feel. But somehow, this year, it all feels so much more… heavy.

I’m going to try and chronicle my thoughts more often this year. I have a feeling it’s going to be a good year to keep track of. I feel change in the wind. It’ll be good to see how I react to it all. Someday down the road I have a feeling I’ll be able to look back at the posts from this year and say, “AHA! You see! That was where this all began!”

Here I go.

A Better Man

This song sums up how I’m going about my life right now.

A Better Man – Keb’ Mo’

Sittin’ here in my problem
What am I gonna do now?
Am I gonna make it?
Someway, somehow.

Maybe I’m not supposed to know
Maybe I’m supposed to cry
And if nobody ever knows
The way I feel
It’s all right
And it’ll be ok

(Chorus:)
I’m gonna make my world a better place
I’m gonna keep that smile on my face
I’m gonna teach myself how to understand
I’m gonna make myself a better man

Climbing out of the window
Climbing up the wall
Is anybody gonna save me?
Or are they gonna let me fall?
Well I don’t really wanna know
I´ll just hold on the best I can
And if I fall down
I´ll just get back up
It’ll be alright
It’ll be ok

(Chorus 2x)

Maybe I’m not supposed to know
Maybe I’m supposed to cry
And if nobody ever knows
The way I feel
That’s all right
It’ll be ok

(Chorus 2x)

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