One Day at a Time

They say breaking up is hard to do. I don’t know if that statement is from the perspective of the dumper, or the dumpee.

Speaking as the dumpee, it sucks.

But I survived the loss of my father over two years ago, and while this feels very similar to that, I know that this pain too will pass.

One day at a time. Sometimes one hour at a time. But I’ll get through it.

I still love her. And I really do want to remain her friend, and I hope for all the happiness in the world for her. That’s all I ever wanted for her really.

I know not what tomorrow brings. I only know that I have control of my own decisions, and no one else’s. I will forge ahead on my own path. I will do what my heart feels is right and I will not do things just because it’s what is “expected of me”.

Go me. Go on.

Studio Photography

Had a really great time today.

Ran my very first studio photography shoot. We were shooting images for a new iPhone app we are working on for a client. (Should launch early 2010! Be on the lookout here for more information!)

Got Bryan to snap a pic of me before we left. Turned out really nice. What do you think? I think the weight loss is really starting to show.

Friendsgiving

Thank you to all who joined us today for our Friendsgiving.

Friendsgiving is a time where we give thanks for the friendships we have. A special time to celebrate the bonds between us. To remember the good times we’ve shared, the hardships we have helped each other overcome and to look ahead to the new adventures we will soon share.

So today, I raise my glass to all my friends (including those who weren’t here today) and say thank God for you! You’re the wind beneath my wings!

Heartbroken

Just an update for my family and friends.

I am fine. The last few weeks have been confusing and difficult and definitely not what I had imagined for myself at this point.

But I am strong. This too, shall pass, and I will overcome.

Fear not for me. I am here, and I will be fine.

Feeling confused, devastated and hopeful…

So, I’m not going to go into details here in my blog… but this weekend has been a major one for me. Some serious stuff went down on Friday night and I’ve been trying to cope with it all weekend.

I basically got blind sided by some incredibly unwanted news on Friday and it’s left me confused, and devastated. However, I’m staying hopeful that what happened can be fixed, or mended in time and that once repaired things will be even better than they’ve ever been before.

No matter what, I know who I am… I am solid with my personal happiness and I am ready to tackle whatever comes tomorrow with dignity, grace and strength.

Go me.

I also sang on the cruise…

In fact, I made it to the PopStar Finals show on the last day of the cruise. Here’s the performance from the final and one of my competition nights:

It was a special treat to get to perform in front of a crowd with my Mom watching. It was like a dream come true for her, and I was happy knowing how proud she was watching me do my thing.

My Mom Sang on the Cruise – Crazy

My Mom sang Crazy on our cruise. It was the first time I’d seen her perform publicly since the 1990′s. She was amazing. Such a natural performer.

I love you Mom!

What’s The Vig? now available for purchase online!

Our feature film, What’s The Vig? is now available as a Special Edition DVD for purchase online!

The Special Edition DVD includes two audio commentary tracks and two deleted scenes with introductions by the director and assistant director. This is a must have for your DVD collection!

Purchase at Amazon.com

Purchase at CreateSpace.com (To receive a 15% discount use code: 2WGMQ8TA)

9.11 – Never Forget

I have my own feelings about 9.11. They don’t necessarily jibe with the viewpoints of a number of my friends. My visit to Ground Zero in 2007 was incredibly sad and moving. I had to find a bench at one point to sit down on because my knees were buckling and tears were coming from the overwhelming grief I felt. So pointless, so sad.

But we can all agree that the loss of life that day was tragic.

So let us all remember those who were lost that day, those who acted heroically and those who lost someone they loved.

Baby Kale turned 1

I can’t believe my nephew Kale is 1 now.

Last year his birth came on the heels of the 1 year anniversary of my Dad’s passing. It was a bittersweet introduction to the world.

This year, he got a party (mostly his older brothers’ friends), he got presents, lots of love from lots of people and a blue cupcake.

He was so cute running around the yard laughing and playing with his brothers and all the other children.

Today was a joyous night. I listened to Kale’s laughter, I listened to Aiden sing Disney songs and I played video games with Mikey who continues to blow me away with how quickly he picks up computers.

Life is definitely continuing in this family and Theresa’s only six months away from adding a new addition to the mix. Somewhere I know my Dad is smiling and saying that life is as it should be.

8.27.07

Two years ago today we lost my Dad, Mick Dawson.

He was our Father, our Friend, our Inspiration, our Partner and our Biggest Fan.

Please take a moment today to remember him and if you have a chance, watch  What’s The Vig? or visit our Vimeo page and watch him in Spoof Wars: Generation Jedi: Episode MICK.

Remember to take care of yourselves and love each other every day!

All our best.

The Dawson Family

What’s The Vig? – Special Edition DVD

The wait is almost over!

“What’s The Vig?” will be coming to Amazon.com and CreateSpace for sale online in the next week or so!

Some details on the Special Edition DVD:

• Director/Producer Commentary Track
• Director/Producer/Actors Commentary Track
• Deleted Scenes
  • The Doctor’s Office
  • Damien Ledger

Please spread the word and buy a copy of the film for your movie library!

Passed the halfway mark!

Ok, so I started my weight loss on July 18. Just a smidge over two months ago. My goal is to get to 230 by the first of January 2010.

So far… so good. I just passed the halfway mark. I am now at 267. Down from 305.

38 lbs lost… 37 lbs to go!

Go me! I’ll post some new pics of myself soon.

Update: Here’s the new photos!

Weight Loss Progress

Hey folks! Just a quick update on my weight loss…

As of today I am down to 269 lbs. That’s a whopping 36 lbs. lost since I started losing weight on June 17. I am just 3 days shy of 2 months since I started! Doing good, looking good and just 1.5 lbs. away from the halfway mark to my goal of 230!

Two Weeks of Emergency Care

Hey all, it’s been a crazy couple of weeks taking care of my Mom. I thought you all might like an update from me on what is going on, so here goes:

So a couple of weeks ago, right as the second weekend of Surf Cup was set to begin Mom went in for an ultrasound of her liver and her leg veins.

Thankfully she mentioned to her primary care doc that she was having some serious leg pains. She’s not always good at sharing that sort of info with the doctors. She’s got so many pains and aches she hates to add to the list. But this time she told him, and it turned out to be a great thing she did.

The ultrasound revealed a blood clot in her leg. The clot caused her so much pain she screamed out when the technician was moving the ultrasound wand over that part of her leg because it hurt so much.

Once discovered things moved fairly quickly. She was sent back to primary care for a determination on how serious the clot was and how to move forward on it. Her primary care doc took a look at the results and spoke with her about it and sent her straight to the ER.

Theresa was with her all through this, God bless her. I was watching the nephews that day since Laura and Adam were in the midst of moving their lives from that tiny ass apartment into their new home in Vista.

After some time we all convened at the hospital to A. give Teesa some much needed company and support and B. to let Mom know that we were all there for her. (Thanks to Alissa, Missy and Jess for all their support through this!)

The ER docs were concerned that Mom may have thrown some of the clot to her lungs already so they ordered a CT scan of her to check her lungs for any clotting. Naturally this emergency test took several hours to get done and we just waited. And waited. When she finally got it they determined that her lungs were clear and she could go home. The treatment for the clot was constant care at home and a series of Lovenox shots (2 a day for 5 days) and Cumedin pills.

Naturally, we were going to have to administer the shots ourselves. So Theresa took Saturday and Sunday off from the tournament to stay at home with Mom and to take her out Saturday to the pharmacy and the Clinic to get the shots and then learn how to use them.

This turned into an 8 hour ordeal in which Theresa visited something like 5 different pharmacies (no one had enough), made another trip to the ER with Mom, and haggled and argued with pharmacist after pharmacist over the $90/dose cost of the shot medication. Eventually with the help of some social workers at the ER they were able to get the shots down to $60/dose (gee, thanks that was only $600 for the complete prescription!) and Theresa worked out the deal with the pharmacy to pay for all the shots and take what they had now, and pick up the remainder in a couple of days.

Oh, and don’t forget that when she first got to the pharmacy from the hospital they managed to lose all record of the reduced cost prescription so she spent more time arguing and calling social workers to get it all worked out again after she got there.

And poor Theresa, she was left with the unhappy task (Bryan too) of administering these subcutaneous shots to Mom. Each one cause her to bruise up terribly and scared the living hell out of us. Some of them even began to ooze blood eventually. Thankfully that stopped around the same time the shots stopped as well a few days later.

Mom seemed to get a bit better as the week went on. And then yesterday she woke up coughing blood. Lots of blood.

Back to the ER went Theresa with Mom. This time my schedule was more free, so I spent the whole day there with them. Mom was coughing up some serious phlegm and blood all morning. The sound of it was terrifying and painful. By 2 or so, the blood in the cough had subsided quite a bit, but she was still coughing very hard all day. The docs were once again fearful that she may have thrown a clot in her lung and ordered another CT scan. We only waited in the ER for that test to be done for 6 hours!

Mom was scared and Theresa and I did our best to help ease her nerves. Bryan was home watching the nephews and Laura was at work. We gave both of them updates throughout the day.

Finally they got Mom back for another scan and once again there was no sign of clotting in the lung. This made me both happy and sad. Happy that she wasn’t in danger of a clot in the lung, but sad that once again we had no real answer to one of her medical mysteries.

They told us that her blood thinners were at a good level according to the pulonologist who looked her blood work. So they don’t think the blood in her lungs was caused by her blood being too thin.

We were then told it could be any number of things and that she should see a lung specialist to test her airways and see if she’s got some other complication, including cancer, that may be causing her to bleed out (a condition made more obvious by the blood thinners).

Joy. So we are back to the primary care doc on Friday and we’ll have to see about getting her into another specialist to look at her lungs. The saga continues. I’ll update more as we know more.

In the meantime, please pray for my Mom. She sure doesn’t deserve all this suffering and pain.

My latest article on BakitWhy.com

As a regular contributor to BakitWhy.com I have to turn in a story a couple of times a month. This month I dug into the assignment desk’s pile and figured this was a good thing to be writing about at this moment in time.

Believe me, if you know me, you know the irony of me writing this article. But it was good for me to do it. The research was very informative and the whole thing served as a great reminder to me of how I should be handling my own finances!

5 Tips To Surviving the Economic Downturn | BakitWhy.com.

20 years later…

June 5, 1989.

China. A world away. My own awakening to global events had only just begun.

Suddenly with the protests in Tiananmen Square I found myself glued to the news for the first time in my life. I was touched by the protesters and as an American (always proud of being from the “land of the free”) I found their desires for more freedom and change in the communist country moving. I found myself cheering them on, as I know many others did as well. But things turned ugly. The protesters were suddenly faced with aggressive military actions and things as history recalls got out of hand.

20 years on and China is still stifling the freedoms of its people. Today the media was locked down, the internet was blocked for many there and families of the protesters were harassed and forced to stay home all day.

And for some of those families… the big questions still remain. What happened to their child? The Chinese government has not made a full accounting of their actions from that day. Kudos to Hillary Clinton for making some bold statements to the Chinese government about that. It’s high time we start focussing our attentions on the Chinese government and revealing more and more of what is going on behind their veil of secrecy.

In the meantime, say a prayer, spare a moment to reflect and remember the students and the victims of that day in Tiananmen Square.

Filling the Void – A Pilipino American Searches For His Place | BakitWhy.com

I just started as a writer at the Pilipino American lifestyle website, BakitWhy.com. Check out my article here:

Filling the Void – A Pilipino American Searches For His Place | BakitWhy.com.

Have you hugged your family lately?

One year and seven months ago today we had a funeral for my Dad. Crazy.

Today, my nephew Kale is seven months old. Yeah, do the math.

My father was always fond of pointing out to me how the cycle of life continues. One thing moves on and something new sprouts up in its place.

I guess the same thing happened there with my family. My Dad’s time here was up, and we were given a year to grieve, and then new life sprang into our midst. And he’s beautiful and such a joy. Just like his two older brothers.

I’ve been thinking about my Dad a lot of late. I don’t really know why. It’s not that anything has really sparked his memory in me, or that anyone has been brining him up in conversations unexpectedly. Maybe it’s because I’m working with the soccer club again. Maybe it’s because it’s tax time. I don’t know.

I miss him. Not a day has gone by since August 27, 2007 that I haven’t felt the emptiness of his vacancy in my life. With every event I find myself wishing I could call him up, share my experience, get his advice. Hear his laughter. Feel his concern. Know that he’s there. Loving me. No matter what.

It’s hard, being a survivor. Knowing that you have to trudge on without someone. Knowing that with time the sound of their voice will fade in your memory. The smell of their skin, of their clothes will drift away from you like a breeze. It’s hard to know that even with someone as important to me as my father was… I am starting to feel the memories fade. I have a hard time picturing him in my mind sometimes. I still feel him in my memories. But it’s like the details are getting fuzzy. I’m sure that’s the way it’s supposed to be. But I don’t like it. I don’t like forgetting. I don’t like having a hazy recollection of the man. I love him so much. I miss him terribly.

But I go on. Best I can. Fumbling my way through life. Trying to recall his guidance. Trying to recall his wisdom. Trying, not to be like him, or to “make him proud”… Just trying to be the best man I can be. Which is, of course, all he ever wished for me.

I don’t know if he’s moved on and been reborn yet, or if he’s out there learning the secrets of the universe, or maybe he’s just sitting up there with God. I don’t know. I just hope that wherever he is, whatever he’s doing, I hope that he’s happy. That he’s found some sort of joy in the life after this. I wonder if we’ll ever meet again. I wonder if that’s how it really works.

If you can still feel me Dad, know this… though the details fade, and the memories grow weaker… the emotion, the power of my love for you stays strong. I miss you.

-David

About those “Happy Slip” posts…

I don’t know the girl who does these, my good friend Daniel Lew turned me onto them. This girl is laugh out loud funny. She’s totally nailed what it’s like to be an American(ized) kid dealing with the idiosyncrasies of a Filipino family.

Watch it, laugh, and understand that it’s funny… Because it’s true!

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